I really do want to change

Making a change requires my focus each minute of the day. It requires effort each minute to stay on my new path; to talk my way to a goal and over obstacles, no matter how small that goal.

I’ve decided to be quieter. Less time connected to devices, and more time by myself. More time to think and create. It’s been hard. As a lawyer, I was always connected, and that was largely a necessity—checking e-mail to collaborate with colleagues, to review a document filed by opposing counsel, and to correspond with a client—all because of fast-approaching deadlines.

It’s not a necessity now. But I can’t let go. I’m tempted to text a friend to make a connection. To check social media to learn what I’ve missed since I last logged in. To check e-mail. It can all wait.

Silence is painful for me. Being alone is uncomfortable. I can’t remember the last time I went to dinner by myself. Even a quick lunch by myself feels strange. I can do it if I bury my head in my phone. But I don’t want to be that person anymore.

I’m constantly catching myself and stopping myself from “connecting” electronically. A lot of times, I give in. I feel like something is missing if I don’t. But I’m not missing anything that can’t wait. I scold myself for giving in.

Change is a slow process for me sometimes. What are you trying to change? How do you stay on course?

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